Holding on and Letting Go

"If it rains, I'll forget about my feelings for you. 

I'll move on...I'll act like nothing happened.

 But if it doesn't rain, you're going to have to deal with the fact that I like you and I'll like you no matter what happens"

It never rained.

And so I cried that night, the next morning, and the day after that. I cried because I was hurt and disappointed...and because I knew that that wager was of no use anyway. Even if it did rain, my feelings for my best friend will still be there. I'll continue to like him, care for him more than any other girl in his life, and place him on top of my priorities. I'll let my affections develop into something deeper until he has taken full possession of my heart.

Yes, I was and I am still willing to be vulnerable for him. I am open to facing endless possibilities as long as he's taking the risk with me.

But that's the problem. He's not willing to go beyond the bounds of friendship. He told me he'd rather have me as a best friend than pursuit a romantic relationship. It sucks big time because the reasons that he told me we're the same reasons that was holding me back before. It hurts more because I was able to let go of my reservations and my promises to myself, but he wasn't.

I know it would be unfair if I impose my feelings on him. It's not his fault that I'm brave enough to let my guard down...that I let go of my fears and inhibitions. But I'm still hoping that someday he'll take a chance because these feelings of mine are not going away.

And if ever that time comes,

I'll say yes in a heartbeat.

~to cvb